"Joe West Just Wanted To Stick It Right Up His Behind And He Did"

Look, this blog likes a good gay/Australian joke as much as (and, really much, much more than) the next guy; remember, we here don't believe that words (or strings of words) have any objective meaning (this is how we justify saying whatever we want). However, we feel that announcers on regional sports networks should be held to at least some sort of incredibly mild standard of non-homophobic commentating, because (while gay jokes are things we feel okay making on this blog, because we know 1) no one reads it; and 2) if they did, they would likely be a friend of ours whose mind we would know we wouldn't be poisoning against the gheys [hi Jake!]) that's just not the sort of joke or comment that should be made in an environment where one doesn't have compete control of its ramifications.

But, in this case, FUCK THAT! Because--you wanna know what?--the only inaccurate thing that announcer said is "and he did." Because Joe West definitely, certainly, 100% truly wanted to stick it right up his (Mark Buehrle's) behind.

Seriously, Joe West, I hope you die a miserable, rotten, lonely, fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat death. (On the bright side, I feel it's pretty likely that that's something that will happen; either that or him choking to death on a chicken wing.)

"The French Love These Types of Battles"

Oh, really? Are you sure they don't like this type of battle? Or what about this kind? Or this one (yeah, definitely that one)?

Wait, scratch that, they're French. There's no type of battle that they love more than one between two pretty men wearing collared shirts smacking balls back and forth at each other.

Talk About A Goose Egg

"It started as a 0-0 game."

Who Rocks The Party That Rocks Your Body

"When you're the all-time leading scorer for the Lakers, you've done some things."

(eg: score, allegedly)

"Redick Does A Good Job Harassing Allen"

You can always tell a Duke man.

What Makes The Red Man Yellow?

"It's like, 'Hey, I'm a Dime Store Indian. Hopefully you hit me.'"

"Nothing To Lose. Well, Except The Game. And The Playoffs."

Because obviously this guy's marbles are already off the negotiating table.

Mental.

"If you don't give yourself a chance, you won't give yourself a chance. You know what I mean?"

"Bryant Puts The Moves On Matthews."

-"Chemistry. It's the biggest thing."

-"Beautiful."

"And Nash Is Excellent At Being Able To Read."

Yeah. If this basketball thing doesn't pan out, he could totally sweep the 2nd grade.

"I Like The Way They're Finding the Free Men."

Yeah, the Atlanta Hawks fucking OWN Harriet Tubman's Underground Railroad-running ass!

"It's Contagious In Here Tonight. And It's At Both Ends!"

I want to play in the NBA, so, like the Hawks and Bucks, I can have a play-by-play man tell the world about how my bout with the flu is going.