Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
"Mewelde Moore goes down for the safety." But he only gives heejies to the cornerbacks.
"Trust me—Matt Flynn tonight is going to have a coming out party and it will be impressive." Perez Hilton says that Ellen DeGeneres might even make an appearance!
"New England's the hottest team in league." Blingee time!!!1!11!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Only time I'm throwing this sort of thing up, barring another Collinsworth gem. Happy whatever, Eli. (Canadian Thanksgiving?)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
On runners' thoughts early in the race: "You start thinking--'where do I wanna be right now? What do I wanna do?'" Pretty heady stuff for 17-year-olds, but shouldn't they be paying more attention to the national championship they're currently participating in than to trying to answer life's big questions?
On the girls' field: "These are 40 of the finest young ladies in the country." And they run pretty well too, don't they?
On the boys' field: "These guys, they're ready for a big dog fight out there." And to think, even cross country runners are emulating Michael Vick these days--the shame!
On the leaders of the boys' race as they head downhill: "Verzbicas and Zeinasellassie are mano y mano as they go down." Apparently our announcer moonlights as a synopsis writer for Spanish language underage Euro-African fetish porn DVD covers. Or maybe he's moonlighting as our announcer, and that's actually his day job--the way long tail economics works, you can make a killing doing just about anything these days.
On Verzbicas, as he approaches the finish line with a large lead: "If he can get to the finish line on his two feet he's gonna have a great day here." If he gets to the finish line on someone else's two feet, though, well, we've got the plot for the next season of Dexter.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
- CAN JOE FLACCO CARRY THE WATER?
- WILL THE ATLANTA HAWKS FINALLY HEADLINE A MARIONBARBERIS POST THAT DOESN'T FEATURE RACISM?
- WHICH CHEERLEADER (OR CHEERLEADERS) GET PUSHED DOWN SOME ICE?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
("That play" can be seen here.)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
"'How are you going to change this game?' 'Everybody's got to take responsibility and be accountable'"
"They have a strong self belief, the collective spirit, and that kind of momentum can do anything for them"
"And now it's a psychological game"
"And they do have this 'Yes We Can' attitude"
"US looking for possession, which is really 9/10ths of the law here"
"The last drink in the the last chance saloon..."
This, all of this, this random selection of sincerity from the story of two Speak and Spells that had learned to love by repeated viewings of Cool Runnings, this is why I watch the World Cup on Univision. Because actually calling the fucking game is for amateurs.
Remind me to bring a bit of rope to-morrow.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
But, in this case, FUCK THAT! Because--you wanna know what?--the only inaccurate thing that announcer said is "and he did." Because Joe West definitely, certainly, 100% truly wanted to stick it right up his (Mark Buehrle's) behind.
Seriously, Joe West, I hope you die a miserable, rotten, lonely, fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat death. (On the bright side, I feel it's pretty likely that that's something that will happen; either that or him choking to death on a chicken wing.)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wait, scratch that, they're French. There's no type of battle that they love more than one between two pretty men wearing collared shirts smacking balls back and forth at each other.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I know nobody goes to Marlins games, but shouldn't perennial MVP candidates have PR people who tell them that fucking their defensive implements while playing the field will probably lose them the "everybody with any sense of common decency" vote?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
But imagine how Keselowski feels--Polish and a catcher? Ouch.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
It took a couple of petitions, but they do have paper there, and eventually managed to get it done
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
"All Kinds Of People Are Attracted To Him--Kids Who Like The X-Games . . . But Your Mom Likes Him, Too"
First: "Shaun White does have the kind of face that only a mother could love."
Second, and most obviously: "No, Bob Costas, your mom likes Shaun White."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
It kind of ruins my faith in the internet that, when I google "quarterback clip art," this picture (which is clearly of Joe Theisman) is the first result.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
- "What's a little flag amongst friends?"
- "You don't want to blow it dead, I've been in that situation before.... Lots of whistle swallowing here"
- He'd have to throw some kind of a moonbeam to avoid that coverage"
- "He earned his stripes on special teams"
- "This man is his own zip code"
- "This is the time in the game when you want to hand the ball off to your horse"
- "Wow, is he throwing some footballs"
- "The ball is in the midsection of Drew Brees"
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
"This Feels Right, This Feels Good, This Feels The Way You Always Dreamed It Would Feel When You Were Growing Up"
But--don't you worry, sports-sex-scandal fans--head coach Rex Ryan has made it clear that he expects his starting QB to make up for lost time, saying to the media today, "We're gonna be the loosest team you've ever seen."
What? They were both talking about playing in the AFC Championship game?!! Well, fuck . . . never mind.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
"Joe Flacco, Who Still Has A Poster Of Tom Brady In His Room... Back At His Parents' House, Where He Lives."
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Meryl--I'm challenging you to a Roots-off right now: whoever can work more legitimate Roots references into their posts in the next week wins 3/5s of a vote.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
"Again, good penetration."