It Really IS All In The Way You Look At Things

"Steve Nash is the Jamie Foxx of the NBA"

And the Charro of Race Walking. Oh, were we not just associating random things here?

It's All In The Way You Look At Things

"Because it's the score that- that's going to develop and determine the game."

" He has a great body and the ability to take a pounding."

I'll let Deadspin's Barry Petchesky cover this one: "Color Me Fucking Shocked: Dick Vitale Loooooooooves Time Tebow." (Emphasis, and extra o's, mine.)

Indeed.

"Oh yeah, Dirk Nowitzki. He played Re-Dirk-ulous."

"How Hot Is Shin-Soo Choo?"

Sounds like someone up in the announcers' booth has a little bit of yellow fever . . .

"Now I'm not a physics major, by any means, but the thicker air should help his slider."

That statement is, shockingly, entirely correct. Especially the "not a physics major" part. Definitely Geology--it took three tries, but he finally passed "Rocks for Jocks."

Probably An Australian Joke

On San Francisco Giants pitcher Wellemeyer:

"I mean, just look at those broad shoulders. He's like an Atlas."

And Then, In The Same Inning . . .

"Look at Hanley Ramirez! Doing it with the glove here in the sixth inning."

I know nobody goes to Marlins games, but shouldn't perennial MVP candidates have PR people who tell them that fucking their defensive implements while playing the field will probably lose them the "everybody with any sense of common decency" vote?

"In ballet they call it a pirouette . . .

. . . but on the ball field they call it being gay for Hanley Ramirez. Which everyone in the baseball community is cool with. Right. . . right? Ohgodpleasenodon'tletthisbetheendofmybroadcastingcareer."

"This Is Worst Fears Scenario For The Clippers."

"What, playing basketball? Oh, right. Playing basketball."

You Knew This Was Coming. You Knew This Was Coming, And You Were OK With It

So a man walks into a bar, bartender says, "The biggest difference between Duke and Butler wasn't the jerseys":

"You'll notice Hayward (20, Butler) has not been on the offensive-- he got the tip in, but he's not gonna force it."

...

"Excellent control. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to get into the body of (Nolan) Smith, but he used control."

"A-Rod Has A Little Beef"

What the announcer meant: That pitch was a little outside.

What I heard: He's fat. And deserves to be taken to the slaughterhouse.

Fuck. You. A-Rod.

"Hayward, he's a guy that does things."

Looks like we've found the A-side to this sports blog tag team. Hayward lines 'em up so Barber can knock 'em down.